Tommy suggested that as a team we really needed some bonding. I've been on board with Dance Therapy for about 5 weeks now. It's been a whirl wind adventure and I can't believe how quickly it's grown. I don't think the guys realised how quickly it would kick off and they're off to a flying start. There's been a lot of dancing, rehearsing, some injuries, training and many, many a business meeting. I'm sure my housemates can tell you the numerous times they've come home to suited & booted meeting taking place in the living room. Sorry guys, no time to chill. We hung out, ate loads of food and had a laugh. Here's behind the scenes of Dance Therapy.

It's been a whirl wind few weeks. Yeah only a few weeks and I'm already starting to get smitten. That was quick. I'm an over thinker, a big one. I spend hours thinking about where things could go and what could happen, it's fair to say my head is often in the clouds. I've been thinking a lot recently about high school sweethearts. How most women's magazines say that people end up marrying their childhood romances. I thought about it a lot and why it seemed to happen? I never had a teenage love, I struggled to get guys to take a second look at me in high school. Oh, the poor naive geeky me. The situations I would get myself into. Seriously.

I guess because I never dated in school, just had those one sided infatuations, I could never empathise. I thought about high school and how horrific it was. Hahaha. Don't get me wrong, I loved high school. Growing up, hanging out and being stupid teenagers was awesome. The talent shows, home ec, common rooms and all the free time. Ah! We had a really nice school and we we're pretty damn lucky!  I feel for my little brother though, when he comes home and tells me about school. Urgh, I don't envy him. I would not like to go back to that hormone pool of awkward young adults. Trying to finding their ranking in a pseudo society.

I'm sure I can't be the only one though, that was a lost, 'misunderstood' nerd. I was constantly trying to be cool. Caring too much, not caring enough. Using just one of the straps on my backpack was key. I always had to have a spare bobble on my wrist. I wore the stupidest clothes, that I thought looked 'hot'. "Oh yeah, this is totally gna make me girlfriend material." DOH! We were all insecure, a little weird and dressed stupidly. So I guess in that sense, people fall for their high school sweet hearts because they understand that vulnerable part of each other. When we we're still just finding our place and learning how to interact with other people and pushing our boundaries. Learning that not everyone will like you. That some people, really are just that mean. The teachers that inspired us, the teachers that struggled to reach us, the 'elite' kids, the rich kids, Asian nerds, cool Asians, varsity jocks, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings, girls who don't eat anything, desperate wannabes, burn outs, sexually active band geeks, the greatest people you will ever meet. And the worst, beware of the plastics. That shit was real. It was a huge part of us. I mean look at high schools, you go in as prepubescent children and leave to find work and join society as adults. It kind of just speaks to that unsettled part of you and says hey, we're all weird. Your ok kid. 

Welcome to the wolf pack, the initiation social. Grey hairspray freaking everywhere! The grandm'as rocked their socks off, shook their tooshes and waved their canes. A  night on the town for nana Optoms. It wouldn't be complete without the grumpy old men and their chavvy teens. They ushered the babies into Cardiff town in style, if you want to know more... You'll have to join.
Your secrets are safe with us, we know what you did this term.

I wanted some feedback about my blog and most people have said more photos, less text. But they still want the message and advice put across. My last post got some great interaction and I think showing that vulnerability really let people relate to me. I've always wanted to get a bit more personal, but like that post, I was afraid of how I would be received. I guess people will take it as they want to, but the like minded will appreciate my honesty. I hope!

I met up with my cousin's this week for tapas. It was awesome and long overdue. In complete honesty it was a little strange. I can't remember the last time we all hung out together just our generation and no adults, and no set family event per say. We've all grown up and it's really weird. Me and Emily we're talking when I got back about how family dynamics change. She was telling me about when she visited her cousin's first house and with no aunt's or uncles. Drinking wine together and talking jobs. That's similar to how ours went. We're all egging each other on for bright futures we dreamed of as kids. We had so many major influences growing up, showing us the fast lane lifestyle of Londoners. The flash cars and jet setting life the IT industry could provide. It's our time now, to show what foundations our families have laid for us. Migrating from war and transferring their entrepreneurial skills to give us a fighting chance. I'm so excited to see how we all grow. To set an example for our younger gen.  Super mushy I know, but all too true.

Some of us are on the way to great careers and half of us are smashing through Uni. It's amazing that my cousins have finally found their passions and to hear them talk about their work and projects. Chris (Click for baby Chris feeds baby Erica popcorn.) has made an awesome Star wars game in Uni, with portals and black holes, which the family are going to love at the next get together. Star Wars obsessed. He spoke with such enthusiasm about his new course. I told him to get a notebook and write down all of his ideas, thinking it was great advice. He shot back with something that surprised me, "Don't have ideas, just do it. Everybody has ideas. Show people, you have to show them it works."  

Keeping in touch and maintaining relationships is hard, especially as we all begin moving away. Family is family. Ohana, always. My Grandma called me today and I told her about our get together. I never really speak with my Grandma about my Uni situation and she doesn't really ask. It's hard to tell her why, especially since high school was so promising for me. But that's a story for another time. It was just amazing and relieving to hear her say that we should all encourage other. Never brag and always push each other. Everyone moves in their own time and as long as you have determination and perseverance, things will conspire in your favour.

What did you think of my vlog? I'd leave to hear from you guys!

It's not just me right? Every body's looking for a bit of loving. Someone to tell your stories to, have a cuddle with and lay around watching movies. Netflix and chill. You know. But how do we distinguish between love and lust? A good relationship from an iffy one. It's hard to tell, I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Do you guys?!

My friends will be the first to tell you I go head first into relationships. It's pretty much an all or nothing thing for me and they think I'm crazy! Haha, call me a hopeless romantic! I'm a sucker for a gooey story. Being this way has definitely put me through my paces though. Dating is exciting and amazing, but getting hurt and being a fool is tiring. Really tiring. I guess it's taught me to have a hard shell and distance myself sometimes. I started dating a guy and pff, I'm really going to write this. I actually googled, "I'm scared of getting hurt." Unsurprisingly it's the 2nd suggested, I'm clearly not alone in this! Ahaha! I got some good insight from that google jobby. It was an emphasis on the things my friends and my mum had already said!




That I'm afraid of heartbreak. I addressed this one my self initially, yes I've been heartbroken. But that comes with the territory. What? I burnt myself on the hot pan, so I'm not going to cook again? As cliche as it is, It's better to have loved and lost. I mean, live the rest of my life without falling incautiously in love? No thanks.
Being afraid of letting someone get to know me. I lost myself for a while, I really did. It took a long time to get back and learn what I liked again. What made me really laugh. For some time I had to fake my confidence to gain it and that came with creating an image. When I'm at home and being myself, "Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no make up on." That's when someone should love you, no matter what. If they don't... they ain't right.

I've got way too much stuff going on right now for a boyfriend. Maybe it's an Asian thing, "No boyfriend! Just study! Get married when your 40, but no dating, just study!" Hahaha. If he likes you though, he'll respect your commitments. You'll push each other to be the best, always. Having said that, if you haven't got time to fall in love and make a connection when do you decide to stop? Sometimes you have to, just as you would for family time. You have to make time and compromise. It's all part of a partnership, right?  This doubles with changing. Simona so wisely told me, we all have to evolve. The crazy thing is I know this. It's just scary knowing that someone could  potentially have such a huge influence on you.



Being afraid of happiness. This may sound really alien and really, really, crazy to you! For so many of us though, this is a reality. And how weird is it? There's something so strangely intimidating about it, but it's getting better. Let's face it, we're all pretty messed up like that. This was my favourite part of the article I read, really resonated to me. "But if you don't want to start a relationship (or want to leave one) because you think it's going too well and you don't know how to handle it, let me tell you this: you can handle it and you deserve it and JUST TRY IT. Everything is going to be okay. And if it's not, you can cross that bridge when you come to it."

This was pretty cheesy and might have freaked my friends out.. and probably freaked him out. But there it is hahaha!

MANGOSTEEN!

They're supposed to be trial lenses... I don't know if people got this, hahaha! After several different drafts for our hoodie prints, we thought keeping it flush with our key fobs too would be pretty cool. The society doesn't make any money from our membership fobs, so we had to keep costs down but the fun up. Which is a little difficult. What do you think of our trial lens key rings? Are the convex-ing?

Dress - Zara/ Sneakers - Adidas/ Kitten Heels - M&S

... Yes I walk to work in kicks. Ain't nobody got time for that!

What are you mixed with?
I'm Jamaican Vietnamese. My mum is Vietnamese and my dad is Jamaican. Actually, I found out this summer that I'm Chinese. Yeah. Mind blown! Only took 20 - something years in the dark! My grandparents escaped war from China to Vietnam first, but then adopted some Vietnamese culture before arriving in Wales. So urmmm, learning mandarin now haha.

What ethnicity have you often been mistaken for?
Oh man so many! A lot of people think I'm "Some kind of Filipino?" Or Hispanic, African, Indian, Indonesian, Thai.. There's only been a few people who have ever hit the nail on the head and that's a rare occasion. Most of the time, people are like "Ah, yeah! I knew you were some kind of Asian!" Did you??

Is your hair curly or straight?
My hair is so damn curly. It literally has a life of it's own. If you have curly hair, you'll know what I'm talking about. How high maintenance is it?! It demands to be pampered!



Was coming from different backgrounds challenging growing up?
Yes and no. I grew up with my Asian side and little to no contact with my Jamaican. I never really thought much about it, not that we didn't speak about it. I just didn't concern myself with it. I considered myself Asian, as did my family and I always spoke Vietnamese. The children in school saw me that way too. The hardest thing for me was understanding where I fitted in, the Asian kids (that weren't family) didn't want to play with me. But neither did the black kids.

Have you ever been teased for being different?
I got a lot of racist comments and I used to get treated differently. Growing up I got called Nigger and Chinky.  I got served Pepsi from a different bottle to all the other girls at parties. People threw stuff at me and used to sing halfer songs to me too.

Have you ever been ashamed of being multi-racial?
I used to struggle with being black. I couldn't identify with it as I only knew the culture from media and music. When I began to embrace it and look into it for myself it got so much better. Just understanding a little more heritage, cuisine and culture. Then I began to lose my Asian side, now I think I'm getting the balance. As in, I'm just happy being me. I love being mixed.



Do you feel that being mixed has it's benefits?
Yes of course! When I was younger and neither kids wanted to hang out with me, I hung around with the white kids. Now I feel like I can relate to so many different groups of people and get to experience so much culture. It's really helped me to pick up languages too.

What makes being multiracial a beautiful thing?
Being a physical symbol that people of any race can come together, find commonalities and fall in love. Literally, nearly every time "Wow, that's quite an unusual mix." People are genuinely shocked when I tell them. As I'm sure most other halfers could tell you!

Any advice for someone who struggles with their multiracial identity?
There's nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful no matter what your 'classed' as. We're just people. It's such a small world now and mixing more and more. Take on any identity you wish, tick the 'other box' and just be you.

• 100g Spinach
• 100g Feta cheese
• 1 Free range egg
• Roll ready made puff pastry

Leda, the lovely lady that use to stuff us with treats!