Vitality | What's making us depressed?

04:37:00



Are you listening to yours? I'm doing it right now, wondering if I should divulge this much of my mind online. I'm of course, going with yes. I've started listening to my unconscious and by that I mean the little signs that happen right under my nose.

'My secret life' had such a fantastic response and I'm overwhelmed by the messages of support and personal stories! It's been so encouraging and the sense of comradery is amazing. I've found it extremely interesting that many have been suffering with mental illness from high school or earlier, with the majority having an onset post high school. I began to wonder what could have caused this, like most I tried to spot the patterns. A dangerous game, I know. Just like the rest of our body, our brains are consciously and unconsciously controlled. In the same way you would point your eyes to look at something specific, but also dilate them without actively realising. You have control in thinking what you'd like and doing what you like, but also things just kind of happen. Thoughts occur involuntarily or your upset by something for no apparent reason.






I wondered about why we have to live our secret depressed lives, why must we hide it? When we talk about it, it makes it real right? So it's clearly something in our thoughts that need to be materialised in order to change them! Post traumatic stress disorder or the tragic common causes of depression are obvious and easy to date. X event happened, therefore X symptoms are being expressed. When depression suddenly creeps up from nowhere and we can't pin point it, maybe there's been an ongoing change we didn't see. So if it's a change in circumstance, lifestyle or perspective being the commonality.  What is it that we always say about change? 'It's a fresh start, it's the chance for a new me!' We'll that's all well and good if the you, that you we're before, wasn't you. What if you changed to become something you're not, you tried to be the person you wanted to be. You just wanted to see what it was like and prove that you could be that person. Maybe to yourself or whoever. Then you did it. Whether you succeeded in that area or not, you completely became that persona and that persona engulfed you. So here's this 'black dog' or 'dark cloud' that follows you around.

Hellooo! Maybe that's the real you, tapping you on the shoulder and saying hey! What about me? What about the life that we planned, you know when we we're younger! Maybe when we got what we finally wanted, we convinced ourselves we were happy. Who wants to admit they were wrong or that it wasn't quite what we'd expected, or that we've changed! We don't want to back paddle it's difficult. Backwards is not progress, who ever heard of going backwards to go forwards? It's illogical. Alas, that black cloud will never go away and those who suffer with depression never seem to move on. 

Unless, we acknowledge it's presence. Greet it when it comes, embrace it and literally dance in the rain. Cry, scream, shout and laugh, be human! Essentially, I believe we grieve for the life we thought we had wanted or the life we used to want. Just like people often say 'you've changed', well surely our dreams, passions and priorities change too. We experience them, enjoy them and acknowledge it as very much a part of us. But maybe it isn't us anymore. Express yourself until you finally remember what it is you love or who you are. After all, you never really leave high school right? So why are we running from the children we are? Why don't we just embrace the awkward teenagers we were just wanting to be accepted for what we were? So cliche, but oh my days here it comes. Brace yourselves. You've got to embrace your inner child, rebuild the 'new you'. An improved version of the awkward teen. The funny thing about depression is that we're always looking for that clean slate, the restart button. Well guess what, every sunrise is a reset button. Every time you have a down episode, your having a mini epiphany, may as well revel in it and listen. What your doing to cheer yourself up, is what you want to be doing. Successful people are doing what they love.
So one sad step forwards, or two difficult happy steps back?

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